Relationships

I don’t know who made me qualified to even write this, but I guess it has really been on my heart recently. In high school, college, and as a young adult I stand by this statement and that’s dating strictly to marry is toxic. 

And I know what you’re thinking, well if you’re dating to not marry then you’re just dating to get your heart broken. And yes. Yeah you are. But here’s why I think that is totally ok. 

Dating as a teenager and young adult should be fun, it should be “hey let’s see where this relationship goes” kinda thing. And maybe you’re one of the few who find and marry the love of their lives from high school, or college, or whatever, but let’s be real, that’s not the majority of us.

Just think about how many of us are here on this earth. Approximately 7.7 billion. Billion. With a B. Are you really that naive to think your “soulmate” is living in the same little small town you grew up in? I’m not saying it’s impossible nor am I trying to be negative, I’m just saying it’s highly unlikely. And even with that said, if someone isn’t treating you right, just remember there are 7.7 billion people out there. You’ll find another one. (also not to mention the term soulmate is honestly a whole other topic of discussion that is toxic too, but let’s stick with the one I’m talking about right now). 

As you start going through changes into young adulthood you start learning more about yourself. What you like and dislike. What you tolerate and won’t tolerate. The person you want to be. Goals you have in your education and career. Personally all things I think one should do on their own (single), but relationships are fun so don’t be afraid to have one. But what I will say is don’t put the expectation of getting into a relationship with that person to one day be your “husband” or “wife,” especially when you are in these stages of figuring out who you are. 

So when I say dating to strictly marry is toxic I mean putting that expectation on someone while trying to discover who you are is toxic. You should create your purpose in you, not in someone else or your relationship. And at the end of the day marriage is a big deal and the union of two into one. So when you put this huge expectation on your high school boyfriend to be the one you begin to compromise goals and ambitions you have deep in your heart because that person does not fit into it. And breaking off a relationship with someone you love is extremely hard, especially after you have put that expectation of husband or wife on them. 

So don’t be the person obsessed with starting the rest of your life that you give up the one you are currently living. In your teen years and young twenties you truly have no commitments to anybody but yourself. You don’t have a family, or a mortgage, or probably not even a retirement fund. But you do have the whole world. To do and be who you want. And I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but these are the years you have full autonomy over every choice you want to make. Because the second you get married you’ve agreed to the rest of your life with them, you’ve agreed to compromise, and responsibilities. There will never be a time you are young and rid of commitment again. And that’s not to scare anybody, obviously it’s a beautiful thing otherwise people wouldn’t be so hesitant to jump head first into that lifestyle. 

So all I’m saying, enjoy high school, enjoy college, enjoy your young/mid twenties. Don’t be so obsessed with finding “the one.” Don’t be so eager to start the rest of your life. Live the life you are currently living and do everything in your best efforts to be your highest self. So when that person does come around you are ready and fulfilled in yourself. Don’t date to marry. Date to have fun and hopefully you’ll get lucky and find mr. right.